The curious observer
Mindfulness and the Art of Acceptance
For those of you who follow me on Instagram, my IG handle is Mindfulnance and I was recently asked to explain why.
When I provide coaching services, I start the change process by teaching clients about the foundations of mindfulness. It is rooted in ancient practices of meditation which has developed greater popularity over the most recent few decades. According to Jon Kabat-Zinn, American professor of medicine and creator of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), mindfulness is the “awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally.”
Mindfulness has developed into a therapeutic technique to help individuals gain acceptance of “what is” at the present moment which can subsequently bolster confidence, tolerance and resilience. I encourage my clients to think of it as being a “curious observer” of oneself, intentionally paying attention to the thoughts, emotions and physical sensations one might be experiencing at the moment, without any criticism or judgement. As simple as this practice may seem, the challenging part of mindfulness is the practice of non-judgement. This can be a difficult feat when we are so conditioned to judge ourselves and hard-wired to lean towards the negative inner critic whose voice we tend to allow to take more space in our minds. I must add that the inner critic is actually a component of our nervous system trying to keep us safe. That voice that tells us not to make the changes or try something new out of fear that it may not work out or that we will experience some sort of damaging emotion IS actually trying to keep us safe. The problem with this is that our more evolved brain, the logical/reasoning part of our pre-frontal cortex, will review the information and try to help us work through how or why we CAN actually make the change or try the new thing, quieting the inner critic.
This is where I find the practice of mindfulness as a key ingredient to the change process. By becoming a curious observer, you develop greater awareness of how that inner critic has been operating in you however you also learn to observe it in a non-judgmental manner, meaning you are not criticizing that inner critic. You learn to say, “oh look, there you go again judging me” (I like to say, “wow Nance, there you go being cute again” in a sweet voice). By engaging in this practice, you learn to approach the inner critic with some gentle kindness, finding acceptance of “what is” at the moment while also understanding that change can happen. You learn to notice the inner critic, identify how they are impeding on your change process and learn to find ways to change that inner voice. This practice of acceptance is also a key tool in managing emotional distress, helping individuals to accept negative emotions at the moment which can lead to greater tolerance and resilience. I have to add that feelings and thoughts are often entangled and I assist clients with untangling and processing that web for greater outcomes.
We all know that life can throw lemony curve-balls at us – it is part of the human experience. By developing the practice of mindfulness, of non-judgement and acceptance of situations WITH the knowledge that you can also work to change it or parts of it, you can reduce your stress, increase your confidence, build your resilience and gain better outcomes in the change process. You might find over time that those curve-balls won’t be as lemony and might even seem a little sweet.
