Learning to refocus

I’m feeling overwhelmed and stressed.

I want things to change but don’t know where to start.

Will things ever change for me?

I hear these statements from people often, especially when they desire making changes in their life.

If you have said these things in the past, or find yourself currently saying it, I hope you find this article helpful. I’ve had days where I have said these things, too, however I have learned to tap into several of my own strengths and developed a process to help me through those feelings and I want to share some of my go-to strategies for dealing with the feeling of overwhelm, stuck-ness and doubts. The tips are to help you reduce the overwhelm and help you to REFOCUS on your goals.

Tip #1: Name the feeling and feel it.

This is the one I have everyone start with and here’s the reason why – in order for the feeling to pass, it’s important to notice it, acknowledge it and accept that it is there at the moment. “Oh hello overwhelm, I see you are back.” This is what I say to myself when I notice that I’m spiraling into the anxious mode. I notice it, I acknowledge it and I accept that it is going to be with me for a bit. Recognizing our feelings and accepting them will help us work through them. Why? Well, let’s say I tell you not to think about the color blue - do not think about it, don’t think of anything blue, stop picturing blue items.

What happened? Did the color pop into your mind? Same goes for our feelings. Telling yourself to stop feeling overwhelmed or anxious is only going to make the feeling linger. Pushing it away helps for a bit, but it will float back up to the surface after some time. For me, writing helps reduce my anxious and overwhelm feelings. I’m able to get all the worrying thoughts out of my head and onto paper, clearing up that mental space for other things that require more of my attention.

Tip #2: Center yourself.

We are all uniquely different and therefore we all respond differently to centering/grounding exercises. I mentioned that I like to write which helps me clear my head and leads me to feeling centered. But if I am not able to write at the moment, focusing on my breathing helps.

Something that happens to us when we are feeling anxious and overwhelmed is we feel disconnected, like we are “offline.” What does that mean? Our emotions are taking over and we are no longer thinking as clearly. We are less in the present moment and have taken off with our overwhelming or anxious thoughts, our bodies’ nervous system has become activated and we are no longer in a calm state where we are thinking with clarity. The way to feel reconnected is to use centering/grounding techniques to help bring our awareness back to the present moment using our body.

Below are some techniques to try to help you feel centered.

Breathing – pay attention to each inhale and each exhale. Simply notice how the breath enters your body, through your nose, noticing any slight movements to your chest, belly and shoulders with each inhale. Notice how the breath leaves your body on the exhale, how it exits through your nose, causing shifts in your shoulders or chest. Do this for at least 10 breaths and you should start to see a difference in your mood.

Visualization – close your eyes and think of someone or something that comforts you. Imagine the face of a loved one smiling at you and hold that image for as long as you can. Imagine sitting by a lake or on a beach on a sunny day and imagine the breeze hitting your face and the warmth of the sun against your skin. Hold the image for at least a minute and allow yourself to be fully with that image.

Sensory technique – when you don’t have the opportunity to close your eyes and breathe or do a visualization technique, try using your senses instead. Wash your hands and pay attention to the water against your skin, feel the cold or warmth of it, notice the ripples in the water as it falls onto your skin. If you can’t wash your hands, pick up an item next to you, your keys or your phone and feel it between your fingers, noticing any grooves, feeling the smoothness of it, and recognizing the weight of it in your hand.

Tip #3: Start paying attention to the thoughts.

Once you have felt the feelings and found a way to center yourself again, pay attention to what you are telling yourself. What were you saying that led to feeling overwhelmed? In what ways are you doubting yourself? Often, what we tell ourselves – those thoughts we have floating around – lead us to feel a certain way. And more often than not, those thoughts are not true.

I’m overwhelmed and stressed. – Ask yourself, what exactly is making me feel this way right now? Write it all down. Then look at it and circle the ones you have control over. Focus on those things and start developing a plan for how you can handle your stress.

I want things to change but don’t know where to start. – What specifically would you like to change? Choose one area to focus on and make that the priority for the moment. Some people want to overhaul their whole life, but we have to start small. I call them bite-size goals. What’s one thing you can do today to change that one area? What’s one thing you can do differently? Again, writing it down helps.

Will things ever change for me? – This one comes down to how much you trust yourself, trust your abilities and how much you believe things will change. Things can change if you first and foremost, believe it will and second, take action to work towards it. So if you are asking yourself this question, I would ask you this one instead – what are you willing to do to make change happen for you?  

If you want to learn more on how to REFOCUS, schedule a call today!