Confidence is a muscle
Confidence is something we all strive for in many areas of our lives. Many times people think confidence is something that you either have or you don’t. People will say it’s more of a personality trait when it really isn’t. Some people are more introverted while others are more extroverted. People tend to think that extroverts have more confidence than introverts, but that might not be the case. Have you heard the saying, “fake it till you make it?” Some people who appear confident may not be feeling that way inside, however they are pushing through the fears and doubts to get themselves to where they want to be. Likewise, there are people who are more introverted who are very confident in themselves and their abilities, however due to the nature of their personality, they may not appear to be confident to the outside observer.
All of which brings me to the point of treating confidence like a muscle. We all know that the more often you use a particular muscle, the stronger it becomes. Many years ago, I decided to sign up for a free personal training session at my gym. It was free so I thought “why not?” Well, the trainer and I spent one hour doing several repetitions of various exercises and I was using muscles I did not even know existed. For several days following that training session, I was sore anytime I moved, whether it was sitting or standing and I experienced soreness in pretty much every part of my body. There were muscles in my body that were probably never used before that session.
Building confidence is very similar to working out. You don’t realize it is there until you are in a situation where it’s needed. The more you use it, the stronger it becomes. I’ve heard so many people tell me that they don’t think they’re confident until I explore various situations with them. I usually start them with this statement “Tell me about a time when you didn’t think you could accomplish something but you did.” It could be as simple as completing a puzzle or running a 10K or applying for a job, nailing the interview and getting hired. There are many times in all of our lives where we probably didn’t think we could finish something or accomplish some major task and yet we did. Those moments are what build our confidence. And it’s important for you to remind yourself of those moments.
Confidence usually gets pushed to the backseat while we allow doubt and fear to settle into the driver’s seat. And even though we may have a great destination in mind, doubt and fear will have us driving around in circles, not allowing us to get there. This is why it’s important to build up the confidence muscle. Oftentimes, people tell me “I’m nervous. What if it doesn’t work out?” And my response is, “And what if it does?”
I work with people on reviewing how they will handle it if the thing they want does work out (that’s usually a no-brainer) and how they will handle it if it doesn’t work out. The amazing thing is that usually people have some idea or solution to how they will handle it if it doesn’t work out, however they haven’t thought it all the way through until I bring it up. This is mainly because the doubt and fear is still in the driver’s seat and it’s hard to see past the dashboard to what lies ahead.
One of my favorite tips for building confidence is to practice. This means taking action. For example, you want a new job but you are worried about the fear of rejection, so you continue working at the job that does not make you happy or content. Well the first step would be to apply for jobs and go on interviews. Yes, there is the possibility that you may get turned down for a job, but there is also the possibility that you may not (enter boost of confidence). And you won’t know unless you try. What do I say to the person who went on the interview, but did not get the job? The company thought highly of your skills that they decided to call you in for the interview (enter boost of confidence).
At the end of the day, building confidence requires work. Another tip for increasing your own confidence is by writing. Write down all of your accomplishments, from elementary school onward. Write down any compliments you have received, any talents and skills you have, what others have praised you for. Our brain tends to focus on the negative (that’s another blog for another day) but we can train our cute little brains to focus on our positive traits and qualities.
So the next time you see a super confident person and you say to yourself, “I want to be confident, too” just remind yourself that it’s already there. It’s that muscle inside you, waiting to be exercised and strengthened.
If you want to chat with me about building your confidence, book a free call. I’d love to help you boost your confidence and help you exercise that muscle!
-Nancy
