Setting Boundaries

Creating and setting boundaries IS part of self-care.

It is? Yes, setting boundaries for yourself and for others is part of taking care of yourself. When you decide to set a boundary, you are taking a step to make yourself a priority. For example, you always say “yes” to a particular family member, partly out of respect but also out of obligation. Placing that person’s request or need over your own is ok at times, however if you are always placing other’s needs over your own, then it’s time to pause and set some boundaries. It may feel uncomfortable at first but the more you practice doing it, the easier it becomes (and the happier you will be).

Creating boundaries is also an act of putting your needs first, which by the way is not selfish. Wait, what? Yes, my friend, you are not being selfish by making yourself a priority. Have you ever flown on an airplane and heard the crew go over the safety measures in the event of an emergency? They always say put your oxygen mask on first before helping those around you. Why? Because if you are not getting enough oxygen, you are limited in how you can help others. The same goes for the relationships and responsibilities in your life - the more you do for others without taking the time for yourself, the more limited you become in the long run.

So let’s work on some ways to set boundaries. You can start by simply saying no to the many requests and obligations. But if the mere thought of that is already activating your nervous system, try to start by creating a new dialogue about your responsibilities. For example, rather than saying no to your neighbor who is asking you to run errands with her for the umpteenth time, you can start by talking about what and when works for you rather than the flat out no. In the dialogue, you are still creating space for you. And at the end of the day, you and your space matters just as much as everyone else.